Regret – A Tale Of Two Parts

Wow. She’s beautiful, what an absolute babe, he thought, as he sauntered away from her house. Huh, blind dates, but that was well worth it, a real stunner and a lot of fun too.

Shall I look back? No, keep it cool, leave her guessing. Leave her wanting more.

He smiled. Oh Ray, my boy, you’re the man.

He almost skipped his next step as he turned the street corner.

The man with a plan.

Right, first plan, find a taxi, it’s freezing, and I want to get home.

He stood expectantly on the main road, not yet midnight, waiting for a carriage to take him home.

Come on, hurry up. There’s never one when you want one and if you’re not quick I’ll start turning into a pumpkin. He smiled at his own humour. It was all coming together tonight for him. Yeah, happy days, one’ll be along in a minute.

Maybe I’d best start walking, at least I’m going in the right direction which will keep the cost down.

As long as I don’t have to walk five miles home.

As he trundled, a light pitter-patter of rain began to descend, initially refreshing but slowly working its way into his clothes and skin and bones. He shivered in response, looking again for a taxi. Nothing.

As he continued walking his thoughts went back to the evening.

Annie, a friend at work had told him about this new lady who had moved into the area, who she had met at the gym. She thought Ray and this lady, Katie, would be perfect. And who was Ray to argue with female intuition?

They had arranged to meet at a Tapas place in town, with Annie coming along to make the introductions over a drink before disappearing with ‘other commitments’ and leaving them to their meal.

He had been struck immediately by her beauty, the long blonde hair, natural not peroxide, dancing down to her shoulders in light curls and perfectly framing her face from which her pale blue eyes looked out, expectantly he thought.

It had been a good idea to have Annie there for despite his confident appearance, Ray was a bag of nerves and she had helped to overcome the initial hurdle such that it was, with some relief for him, when she left them alone after half an hour.

So, Katie, beautiful Katie, and he had enjoyed the sociability of sharing their Tapas and swapping stories of exploits past and dreams to come. They’d both travelled in their younger days and their lists of places to go almost matched perfectly. Ray’s natural ability to see the lighter side in all things had brought a ready humour to the table which Katie had appeared to enter into. He chuckled as he recalled his play on the German word ‘fahrt’ as he recounted a trip to Berlin; she’d laughed at that.

But had she thought Ray, maybe she was just being polite, I can dominate a conversation at times. He remembered being told this on too many an occasion. I finished her lines a couple of times. I thought that showed our connection but…did I let her get a word in or was it just all about me?

He glanced round again for a taxi, but the road remained silent leaving him surrounded in his doubts which grew with each step.

I can’t believe I did that, especially when I know that I do it.

Hey, hold on, it can’t have been that bad, we stayed for a while afterwards having a drink.

Now come on Ray, not entirely true, you were finishing the second bottle of wine with her.

That you had ordered.

And Annie had said that Katie was polite. She was just being polite.

Ah but she let me walk her home though, surely a positive there.

Hmm, she has a flat in town, it’s late and the area’s pedestrianised so not accessible by a taxi. And most would refuse to take you anywhere close by, preferring to keep their place on the stand for a more lucrative payday further out.

What was it he had said anyway? ‘Let me walk you home.’

There you have it, he hadn’t even asked, he had told her, as good as forced himself upon her and there she was just being polite again.

She hadn’t invited him in for coffee had she? And here he was having to walk home, in the midnight hour, to the accompanying beat of the rain.

He hadn’t even kissed her. Hadn’t even tried. Not even on the cheek. Oh my, here’s me, ‘Mr Forward’ and I don’t even try to close out the deal.

Well I was nervous I guess, that’s fair enough. But was I really getting any sign from her? No, she was just being polite, little miss polite. He had probably picked up some intuitive signal from her, yes, that would be it. That could be the only reason why he hadn’t.

He breathed out a sigh of relief. Trust your natural instinct.

It was a good thing he hadn’t pushed the issue, leave him with some self-respect when he saw Annie in the morning and went through the expected interrogation. How embarrassing if he had to confess to trying it on and getting knocked back. And Annie would know everything because women always talked didn’t they? Never any secrets.

I’ll just leave it as she’s really nice but probably not my type. A bit too good-looking? No, that makes it sound like I’m not good enough. A little bit goody two shoes? Hmm, I don’t want to be having a dig. Yeah, I know, different sense of humour. Lovely and all that but not on the same level. There you go, positive and allowing himself a way out without any embarrassment. Excellent, problem solved.

And as if to mark the occasion, he heard the noise of an approaching vehicle behind and turned to see the glowing sign of an empty taxi which he immediately flagged to a stop. As he climbed in the back he felt content with himself: very soon this sorry night would be over.

*******

Katie watched Ray as he walked away, what a wonderful evening, what a complete gentleman, she couldn’t wait to see him again.

As he turned the corner she retreated into the warmth of the hall of the large house, now subdivided into four flats, two up and two down.

She shivered slightly from the lingering cold. Or was it the thought of Ray? She giggled to herself as she hopped up the stairs to her flat, two at a time.

As she let herself into her flat she glanced across at the clock on the mantelpiece. Almost midnight, too late to call Annie.

I’ll have to call her in the morning instead she thought. Hmm, perhaps I’ll leave it a little later, give Annie a chance to talk to Ray at work. She giggled again, then I’ll get the proper lowdown.

Despite the lateness of the hour Katie wasn’t ready to sleep just yet, the evening’s exploits still playing around in her head.

She reached for a glass and filled it slowly from the tap and then sat in the armchair, curled up in herself like a comforter.

She had been unsure when Annie had suggested the blind date, she hadn’t been in this place too long and wasn’t sure whether she was ready for her next relationship even though it was almost two years since the last.

‘Slow down babe,’ had been Annie’s response. ‘It’s a date not marriage. He’s a lovely guy, I think you’ll have a lot of fun but one step at a time. If it goes somewhere then great but just enjoy the journey.’

Katie smiled, wise words. It was always difficult after a relationship ended to imagine anything other than the intimacy of a relationship that dating alone just didn’t provide. And trying to remember the Do’s and Don’ts of dating too when you got back in that mix.

She was glad Annie had been there at the start, it helped overcome that initial awkwardness, and with Annie taking the lead she had been able to come out of her shell more quickly.

It had been good when Annie had gone though, a perfectly timed phone call from a friend plucking her away and she and Ray could spend some time together. Alone at last.

He was quite funny, always seeing a joke in everything. Not just laughing at everything, clever little life observations that made her smile and laugh. She smiled again recalling his clever word play on the German for journey when they had talked about places they had been, and the same places they wanted to go to.

Mmm, a shared interest, and he was clever and funny, and good looking too. She giggled again but the smile rapidly froze into a frown.

What did I say though? I didn’t have any jokes really. What would he have thought of me? A serious person? I mean I am but I’m not. I can be fun too.

Well I did talk about me, what I’ve done, where I’m from, yeah I did talk. But then he always had his little gags didn’t he? I mean it was funny, very observational so he was listening to me but. She paused her mind.

Maybe he found me boring, maybe he was just being polite.

She racked her brain looking for something to prove the opposite but in doing so she only reinforced her initial view.

Well we stayed drinking after, in fact he’d ordered a second bottle hadn’t he?

Maybe I was that boring he was turning to drink to make the evening more pleasurable.

No, come on girl, get a grip. Her hand instinctively tightened on the glass of water.

He asked to walk you home didn’t he? That shows he’s keen.

Actually, he didn’t ask, he sort of told me he’d walk me home. Maybe he just wanted to get rid of me?

Oh my God! He didn’t try and kiss me.

I thought he was such a gentleman and being so polite and respectful but maybe he just wanted shot of me.

I didn’t invite him in for coffee though did I? Maybe he was looking for something from me, a green light? Why didn’t I do that? I mean normally, I would always do that, not that it means anything, but I liked him and. Her mind paused again. Maybe I just sensed that he wasn’t interested?

Yeah, that was it. And hey, he never looked back when he went, he just walked off and turned the corner. I watched him all the way to the corner and not once did he look back.

Katie felt the situation running away from her, a desperate need to re-establish control.

Right, I’ll call Annie first thing, tell her thanks for arranging the evening, Ray’s a lovely guy, polite, respectful etc, a real gentleman but not really my type. Thanks for the idea, see her at the gym next week.

Yes, that would do it, and she would speak to Annie first thing before Ray could speak to her at work so that would stop him having to say anything, or if he did make him look bad instead if he was critical of her. Excellent.

Actually, where’s my phone, I’ll text her now, then I’m definitely in ahead of him. And I’ll call her in the morning just to say thanks and all that.

She tapped away at her phone. Lovely but different sense of humour, not really on the same level. She scanned back through it. Yes, that would do, and then hit the send button with a sigh of relief.

She stood up and lifted the glass to her mouth tipping the last of the water down her throat. Now I’m ready for bed.

*******